Domestic Violence
Transformation & Sustainability Program

The Domestic Violence Program offers support to families in immediate or imminent danger of being hurt by an intimate partner or to children who are abused, neglected or have witnessed family violence regardless of sex, age, gender, lifestyle, religion, medical condition, etc. Participation in our program is open to all people and their children who have been a victim of domestic violence.

These services are all rooted in transformation and sustainability, which guide individuals and families to not become victim to their circumstances, but rather use their adverse situations as a tool to break the cycles of violence, poverty and homelessness and achieve success.

Our goal is simply to invest in each and every person or family in such a way that they feel seen, heard and supported. Our clients are not treated as numbers or another "case" but rather as humans who truly want a better life for themselves and are ready to put in the work to do so.

If you are in a life-threatening situation, please dial 9-1-1, If you need to talk, call the 24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline 888-799-SAFE (7223), If you think you may be in an abusive relationship, you are not alone! There are resources that can help you.

Ways We Help:

  • Individual counseling sessions

  • Support groups

  • Emergency shelter placement

  • Employment assistance including resume building, interview techniques, job searches, and interview attire

  • Safety Planning

  • Assistance with food, clothing and basic supplies

  • Assistance with completing Temporary Restraining Orders (TRO’s) and California Victim’s Compensation Board (Cal VCB) applications

While these services mainly take place in our secure facility, we also offer online services.

How to Access Services

Our services are confidential, non-judgmental, and free of charge to the community, BUT you have to really be ready to change your life. If not, we’d be happy to help you find an organization to better suit your needs.

  1. Phone Screening: Call us at 951-736-0620 (option 2) and tell us briefly what needs you have (i.e. court appointed classes, emergency shelter, safety planning, etc.). This will help us determine if we need to schedule an in-person assessment with a Domestic Violence Advocate.

  2. In-Person Assessment: Once we have phone-screened you, we will determine a date and time to meet in-person at a secure and safe location. The purpose of this is understand your specific situation better and determine if our agency if right for you and vice versa. If not, we will help you find somewhere more fitting so you are not left unsupported.

  3. Intake Process: Once we assess and accept you as a client, we will schedule an in-person appointment for you to complete enrollment paperwork, assign you an advocate, schedule your one-on-one counseling sessions.

  4. Begin the DV Transformation process!

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE DEFINED

Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive and controlling behaviors in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.

Domestic violence can impact people of all race, age, gender, sexuality, religion, education level, economic status, belief systems or values can be a victim — or perpetrator — of domestic violence. That includes behaviors that physically harm, intimidate, manipulate or control a partner, or otherwise force them to behave in ways they don’t want to, including through physical violence, threats, emotional abuse, psychological abuse, gaslighting, sexual abuse, financial control and more (www.thehotline.org). Remember, domestic violence is about POWER AND CONTROL. It is not an illness. It is not a disease. It is a CHOICE.

Multiple forms of abuse are usually present at the same time in abusive situations, and it’s essential to understand how these behaviors interact so you know the signs of an abuse relationship.

Red Flags of an Abusive Relationship

It is not always easy to tell at the beginning of a relationship if it will become abusive. In fact, many abusers may seem “perfect” on the surface as if they are the dream partner in the early stages of a relationship. Possessive and controlling behaviors do not always appear overnight, but rather emerge and intensify as the relationship grows. According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, here are some red flags that you may be in an abusive behavior:

  • Extreme jealousy of your family, friends or any time you spend away from them

  • Preventing you from making your own decisions (i.e. about working, going to school, etc.)

  • Always making you feel that you cannot do anything right

  • Pressuring you to do things you are not comfortable with such as sexual acts, drinking or drug use

  • Intimidating you and making you feel scared or like you're constantly "walking on eggshells"

  • Threatening to take your kids away, cut you off financially, have you deported, or other drastic measure if you leave

  • Threatening to kill you or themselves

If you are in a life-threatening situation, please dial 9-1-1

If you need to talk, call the 24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline 888-799-SAFE (7223)

If you think you may be in an abusive relationship, you are not alone! There are resources that can help you.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE PREVENTION

About 1 in 4 women and 1 in 10 men have experienced contact sexual violence, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner during their lifetime and reported at least one impact of the violence (https://ncadv.org/statistics, 2021). Click here to learn the statistics in California.

Over 43 million women and about 38 million men experienced psychological aggression by an intimate partner in their lifetime?

Domestic violence doesn’t discriminate; all people of all race, age, gender, sexuality, religion, education level, economic status, belief systems or values can be a victim — or perpetrator — of domestic violence. That includes behaviors that physically harm, intimidate, manipulate or control a partner, or otherwise force them to behave in ways they don’t want to, including through physical violence, threats, emotional abuse, psychological abuse, gaslighting, sexual abuse, financial control and more. Remember, domestic violence is about POWER AND CONTROL. It is not an illness. It is not a disease. It is a CHOICE. But is also preventable.

HEALTHY, UNHEALTHY, AND ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS

Healthy Relationships

The most effective way to prevent abusive relationships, is through educating the community, especially teens and young adults, on what safe and healthy relationships look like.

Some examples of what a healthy relationship looks like are:

  • Communication: Talking openly about problems, listening to one another and respecting each other's opinions.

  • Respect: You value each other as you are.

  • Trust: You believe what your partner has to say. You do not feel the need to "prove" that you can be trusted.

  • Honesty: You are honest with each other, but can still keep some things private.

  • Equality: You make decisions together and hold each other to the same standard.

  • Enjoying personal time: You enjoy spending time apart, alone or with others, but you respect and understand each other's need for time apart.

  • Making mutual sexual choices: You talk openly about sexuality and reproductive choices together. All partners should willingly consent to sexual activity and should be able to safely discuss various comfort levels.

  • Economic/financial partner: You and your partner have equal say with regard to finances and both partners have access to the resources they need.

  • Engaging in supportive parenting: All partners are able to parent in a way they feel comfortable with. You communicate together about the needs of the child, as well as the needs of the parent.

Unhealthy Relationships

Some relationships find themselves in between healthy and abusive, and these are simply called unhealthy relationships. Many people contend with unhealthy relationships daily, but the key difference in these types of relationships versus abusive relationships are power, control and harm.

Some examples of an unhealthy relationship qualities are:

  • No Communication: When problems arise, you fight or you don’t discuss them at all.

  • Disrespect: One or more partners is not considerate of the other.

  • No Trust: One partner doesn't believe what the other says, or feels entitled to invade their privacy.

  • Dishonesty: One or more partners tells lies.

  • Controlling: One partner feels their desires and choices are more important.

  • Limited Social Circle: Your partner's community is the only one you socialize in or you can't seem to go anywhere without your partner.

  • Pressured to Have Sex: one partner uses pressure or guilt on the other to have sex or do anything sexual at any point.

  • Financial Inequality: Finances are not discussed, and/or it is assumed only one partner is in charge of finances.

Abusive Relationships

Abusive relationships may or may not start abusive. While there can be some red flags, it is not always easy to predict that your partner may become abusive. In fact, many abusers are known to be very outgoing, charismatic, and the "life of the party." It is also common for abusers to be very aesthetically attractive, successful and have a great career. Control and power are the roots of domestic violence, however, that is not the only factor. Oftentimes abusers come from abusive households growing up, have been violent in a relationship before but claims to have changed, and/or may have trouble with drugs and alcohol.

Some examples of what abusive relationship looks like are:

  • Communicates in a way that is hurtful, threatening, insulting or demeaning.

  • Mistreats the other partner and does not respect the feelings, thoughts, decisions, opinions, or physical safety of the other.

  • Accuses the other of cheating or having an affair when it is not true. The accuser may hurt the other partner in a physical or verbal way as a result.

  • Denies that the abuse actions are abuse. An abusive partner may even try to blame the other for the harm they're doing, makes excuses for abusive actions, or minimizes the abusive behaviors.

  • One partner controls the other. There is no equality in the relationship. One partner makes all decisions for the couple without the other's input.

  • Isolates the other partner and controls where the other one goes and who they talk to. They may isolate their partner from family and friends progressively or all at once.

  • Forces sexual activity or causes pregnancy intentionally. One partner forces the other to have sex or do something they do not want to do sexually. In relationships where pregnancy is a physical possibility, one partner may force the other to become pregnant.

  • Exerts financial control by controlling the other partner's access to money and resources. Having an open dialogue about finances is not an option. This may include preventing a partner from earning an income or not allowing a partner access to their own income.